Archive for Best butt

Walk away

{ 23 February 2009 @ 12:48 am } · { Best butt }
{ Leave a Comment }

So, the story goes that I fared badly at my Taekwondo grading this morning. But surely, missing two steps in the opening sequence and almost falling off balance at the 360 turn is minor, isnt it?

Is not.

The entire grading process from waiting to waiting to more waiting made me forget half of the steps, in anxious contemplation and indulging in actual physical nail biting activities. When the 5 minutes worth of proper grading was over, the skies started pouring just so that they could water the plants…though I secretly think that its just a scheme to make me completely drenched during the walk to the MRT. Its not comforting that I was wearing an all-white attire.

In a desperate bid to save the last bit of dry skin on me, I made a call asking for a favour. And I actually thought that would work.

Not.

Rejection right smack on my face. Nothing feels better than having received that from somebody you’d consider a friend more than any other acquaintances. Really.

So began my lonely, drench defying walk to the station. Oh the happiness of rain.

I hate rain.

meh

{ 20 February 2009 @ 12:28 pm } · { Best butt, Family }
{ Leave a Comment }

the more you float around my mine like the trillion specks of dust in my room, the more i feel like a loser.

why can’t i be more like you, and less like me?

i walk alone

{ 19 January 2009 @ 9:30 pm } · { Best butt, Social }
{ Tags: , } · { Comments (1) }

A friend is a funny thing. I was once told, “I prefer not to have friends. The moment you have a little expectation of them, they’ll let you down.”

How true was that.

Well, as much as I don’t want to be disappointed, I also cannot stand being alone. The lonely walks back from any activity, be it classes, making my way to and fro to cheer for Hall 3 or after Taekwondo trainings. Or simply eating my meals in front of the computer. Its depressing. I’d rather skip it.

It’s all the same. And its sad.

I realised its so hard to even talk to the people in hall. They speak a different language. We think differently and nobody really wants to walk with me. Even to trainings..

And I don’t know whether I have any close/best friends anymore. They all seem so distant from me, and wouldn’t need me at all in their lives. What’s a best friend if we don’t hang out or be as close as we used to? Seeing you drive away from me really hurts me so.. But I can do nothing at all to be by your side, talk about everything and anything. There’s just nothing going on for me.. There’s nothing to look forward to everyday I wake up.

For so long I yearned for affection and love, even from the simplest friends…

But it’ll never be.

I was never meant to walk with anybody by my side.

Pissed Off

{ 13 January 2009 @ 10:06 pm } · { Best butt, Family, Love, School/Work, Social }
{ Leave a Comment }

With tears rolling down my cheek, Mom’s laughing on the other end of the line, saying how I should move on and get out of Singapore.

Fuck it. I don’t want to go overseas anymore. I just want to numb myself and be financially independent from that useless dad of mine. He’s nothing but trouble.

Actual fumes are rising from my head and my face is plastered with a look like I’d bash down the wall if I had to.

Looking at my life now, I can only safely say it is a huge failure in every. single. aspect.

Maybe another day?

{ 6 January 2009 @ 12:53 pm } · { Best butt, Social }
{ Tags: } · { Leave a Comment }

Maybe..

I don’t know how I can fit into your timetable. I’m free on almost every lunch and dinner slot and yet, there’s not one slot that you could put me in. Supper after Taekwondo is also only because we’re having TKD practice together.

Really disheartens me..

Why do I hate you so?

{ 1 January 2009 @ 12:51 pm } · { Best butt, Rubbish }
{ Tags: , } · { Leave a Comment }

Been very negative lately. Tired of all the shit I’ve been experiencing.It doesn’t matter that I got my first A in university history, nor does it matter if I’ve been having a good time in my own fantasy world.

Life sucks. Admit it.

As much as I don’t want to die, I hate the living. I see my parents working day and night and never got to smile genuinely. My dad has to meet with his ‘clients’, cracking senseless non-humurous jokes and laughing it off like its the most ridiculous thing they’ve ever said. My mom does housework after her 830-6 shifts and made sure we all got our tummies filled with food. I don’t blame her for that. In fact, I’m grateful, but looking at her work so hard, it makes me wonder what life really is all about.

A friend of mine works for 3 months to get a total salary of $2000, the kind of money I willingly spent on a trip to The-Place-Where-People-Have-Horrible-Tastebuds.

Then another friend of mine spent $5000 on an annual family trip to Somewhere-Where-Everything-Is-Fucking-Expensive. I doubt I’ll ever have such money to bring my entire family to even places like Phuket. Maybe Bintan and Batam. Maybe.

Face it. I hate the irregularities of life. More so I hate how we have such short lifespan, get hungry too fast, how our days aren’t long enough or how I get cramps in the middle of the night for no reason whatsoever.

I wish I had more friends. I wish I had matured faster. I wish I was taller.

I wish I was a guy.

But who am I to complain? I’m just one out of 6 billion people on Earth. They can do with one less. Doesn’t matter if I’m hateful or not. Nobody gives a fuck.

Stop? Go?

{ 24 November 2008 @ 12:51 am } · { Best butt }
{ Leave a Comment }

I feel really upset right now. There’s so many things you can promise to me, but there’s only so much you could do.

Maybe you should have thought through it before agreeing on anything, don’t you think? If only I knew…  Your reply was a little too hasty and quick to have made any good judgement.

Oh well, I’ll leave it to your own discretion to make your own promises.

Birthday Present

{ 18 November 2008 @ 12:04 pm } · { Best butt, Rubbish }
{ Tags: , , } · { Leave a Comment }

It’s time to reward myself with a nice little birthday present, aye?

Been bugging my mom to get me a Wii, my dad to get me a PS3 (although i doubt he listens) and my brothers to go get the PS3 instead of daddy. I want a Yamaha DTXPLORER which costs a whopping $1990.00.. However, it’s kinda phased out now and being replaced with a more expensive model called the DTXPRESS IV, priced at $2996.00. (No, it’s really annoying to see them mispell the words, and throw in words just because they start with “EX”) Why don’t they choose something cooler than DTXPRESS… Like DTXPLODE or DTXBOYFRIEND. Sounds a lot cooler, doesn’t it?

Maybe I should go on a huge shopping spree rampage just to update my wardrobe a little bit. Running of out jeans and shirts to wear, and jeans especially. One thing though, I can’t find all my fancy striped polo-Ts. I know they’re somewhere, but it’s not in my cupboard, it’s not in Ying’s cupboard. Maybe it’s in my kor kor’s cupboard. Either that or my mom confiscated those boyish outfits.

Alternatively, I could get a doctor to size down my breasts a little bit. That’s a good 21st birthday present. Seriously, I think they’re too huge. I don’t like huge breasts, especially not on me. I know what guys are thinking, but no. Guys really are jerks sometimes. My friends all tell me how they can tit-fuck or squeeze the ‘milk’ out of those huge-ass titties. Screw you and your perverse ways. Girls aren’t dolls for you to ram your dicks into. At least we’re not those paid hookers. I don’t care what you do to them.

I sidetracked. And I’ll sidetrack again.

These recent outbursts of anger is really getting on my nerves. I don’t even understand why I’d get mad at things anymore. Today, I got to receive totally unreasonable tantrum from my friend. I mean, I’m really sorry I can’t hear so well. It’s a sad thing not to be able to hear well, you know? And you just had to get angry whenever you had to repeat yourself more than twice.

I DIDN’T MEAN IT, ALL RIGHT?

It’s not my fault that I have a hearing deficit. Besides, who’s got a sicker joke to play than ignoring what you had to say, when I know that you’ll get angry if I play such pranks on you? I don’t! Don’t make it sound like I purposefully ignored you just so that I could see your blood pressure readings rise. I feel really hurt when I can’t hear what you’re saying just because you’re mumbling, then go on and tell me off or give me the silent treatment. It’s tiring to strain my ears all the time.

This isn’t going anywhere.

Point is, stop having short fuses all the time and I think we’ll get along just fine. I will try my best to listen to what you have to say, and be obedient when I have to.

And I still want my PS3… Or at least a Wii.

Favours

{ 23 October 2008 @ 2:13 pm } · { Best butt }
{ Tags: , , , } · { Leave a Comment }

I felt like I relied too much on you. 

It makes me feel like I’ve owed you too much, that I’ve not done enough to repay you. It’s also very frustrating everytime I have to open my mouth and ask for one.

Like today, how did it make me feel?

I was ready for class, waiting for you so that I could pass you the cheque. But instead of waiting up and pulling out your file to receive the cheque, you walked straight up to the car, started the engine and went for lunch. The cheque was still with me, of course I had to follow.

But not once during the entire lunch did you ask me whether I’d need a ride back, nor did you bother to even talk to me. Yes I did say I could walk myself back. But did it come across your mind as to why I’m still sitting there?  I’ve had lunch alone at the Cafe just so that I won’t bother your animator’s outing. I only needed to pass you the documents, there was nothing I could be doing there. I had to look anxious for you to finally tell me, “pass me the cheque la” oh so unsubtle. You made it look like you took EVERY OUNCE OF EFFORT just to say that.  Am I that horrible to speak to?

I take such documents with high regard, if I were to pass you something so important, it has to be kept nicely in a file with little ribbons at the side. Not when you’re holding it by hand while talking to your friends and not wondering why I WASNT AT CLASS YET AT 1.20PM.

Fuck. I shouldnt have waited.

Sitting there and not making a sound, I didn’t enjoy waiting for people to finish their conversations just so that they can pack up and leave. Not for one hour. You knew how impatient I can get. You knew I was waiting for your actions. You knew I was waiting for you to do something about getting me to class.

Maybe I assumed too much. Maybe I should just tell you in the face what I want to do. Maybe you should tell me as well what you want to do. 

Last week I skipped my storyboarding class only because you asked your friends to donate blood together at 1pm. I asked for us, and mind you, only WE TWO, to donate blood at 4pm. I never wanted to miss my class. And donating blood is something that I regard as something only we could do together without the disturbance of others. How did that make me feel?

I have to maintain my GPA or I won’t even have a second lower. You were so concerned about your grades, I tried to help, I tried to be good, I tried to get out of your way. Sometimes I still get very annoyed by your inactions, but at least I tried.

Have you ever tried not hinting?

Think before you speak

{ 22 October 2008 @ 1:50 pm } · { Best butt, Rubbish }
{ Tags: } · { Leave a Comment }

That was the advice a dear friend gave me. I never really thought about it until now… It is very apt in my case.

I’ve found myself having a lot to say, but it never comes out of my mouth quite the way I want it. Arguments would have me end up stuttering, comments would have me go quiet halfway through my sentence, and I hate myself for not being able to be as articulate as I want to be.

I have to do what’s fair for my brain and my listeners. I only wished I had thought of this earlier. It really hurts me when we fight… It’s not fair to suffer due to my incapability to speak properly.

« Previous entries
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.